4 – Before the Lobotomy

(???)

Those two were a pair of fucking morons.

They were so fucking sweet together. It almost gave me a fucking toothache to see this perfect romance or some shit of theirs. They acted like they were soulmates. Christian never went too far, Gloria never had to stop him. God fucking dammit.

Whenever I saw them together on the street, it was like the fucking couples in movies: they were holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes. It was like a living, breathing cliche that unfolded in front of me. Fucking sickening.

And it was also sickening to see how much Gloria had changed since we’d last met. She was so… so soft now, and it was hard to watch her just kind of melt into a puddle of everygirl goo. I couldn’t stand how she’d just… gotten over me and then started a romance with this kind of fucking gentleman.

Christian made me seethe with anger. He seemed to be the opposite of what I always stood for. Sure, he wanted a fucking resistance. But he didn’t really want it. He was the fucking product of his own medications and what his dumbfuck therapists told him. He did drugs. He smoked. Big fucking deal.

I had a feeling he’d break her heart worse than I had. He was totally fucking unstable, even more than me, and such a light, fluffy relationship would make the breakup even more painful, I bet.

And then Gloria would come back to me, right?… right? RIGHT

I fucking hated the two of them — especially when they were together.

Gloria acted like she was on superior moral ground or something because she didn’t want to start a(nother) revolution. She acted like it was wrong that people died for these causes. I wanted to fucking shake her and scream: “Wake the fuck up! That’s the point! People die fighting for the cause because they want to! It makes a point that whatever it is is so fucking bad that people die trying to change it!”

I could tell from looking into her eyes that she wasn’t Whatsername anymore. She was just… plain old simple fucking Gloria and I couldn’t believe that she could change like that.

Fuck her, then. Gloria, pre- and post-Whatsername, was fucking boring and just another sheep, an aid to the system. She didn’t stand for what she used to stand for. She just wanted an ordinary life.

Let her have this ordinary fucking life of hers, I thought one day as I saw them meet outside the Starbucks on the corner of the block across from my apartment. She knows what she’s missing. She was the extraordinary girl of my dreams, after all.

And was… was certainly the operating word there. Simply put, Gloria wasn’t who she used to be. It was like she’d been lobotomized or something.

That was exactly what seemed to have happened. Some sort of mental lobotomy had happened and Whatsername has been banished from her conscious and her subconscious. The person she’d used to be had been cut out of her as if in some sort of painful, cruel operation.

And in my opinion, that was a total fucking shame.

Such talent, power, beauty was all going to waste there on some fucking moron called Christian. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be her soulmate or some shit, but if I wasn’t then neither was Christian.

I hated him most of all. I hated him for being her boyfriend. I hated him for being completely devoted to her because he had absolutely no life otherwise. I hated him for being a manipulative bastard who just wanted a nice girl that he could start some sort of revolution or shit like that with. I hated him for lobotomizing Gloria.

I hated him for not being me.

But I guess that I’d changed too. I didn’t take the St. Jimmy approach to it — that is, going crazy and fucking shit up. No, I just let my anger boil inside of me and watched it happen.

Besides, it can be pretty entertaining to watch a couple of monkeys fuck around with each other.

fuck christian and gloria
jimmy and whatsername till the end of TIME

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